She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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