So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
