Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
