I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
