dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
