Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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