also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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