it wasn't lemon gatorade
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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