I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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