i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
