my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dignity is for republicans.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
