You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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