Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
