you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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