i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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