omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
