found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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