I'm so fucking centered right now
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
