i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
