After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
