Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I skipped work to stalk him.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
