i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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