I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
