Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
