I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
