READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this boner is exhausting
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
did i just pee glitter
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