why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize