She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
