Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
