It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
