Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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