Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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