The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize