im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
