It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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