he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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