Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
