Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
