he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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