That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
