Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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