I wish my penis had an off switch
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
