sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
