my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
