Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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