I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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