At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
