in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize