I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
