i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
