at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All the doctor said was why
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
