Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
