is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
