Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
