I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
