that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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