she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
