I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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