forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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