Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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