No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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