Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
