Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
