Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize