cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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