I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
