I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize