I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
