I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
