hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
