It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
