Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dick very happy bro
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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