Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
