This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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