At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
