so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
