do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
