There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
