i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
