god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
