He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
