highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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