I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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