It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he thought i was a dude.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Drunk is not a location!
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