I'm jealous of your bromance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
