It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
