i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
