Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
