You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This baby is an asshole
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize