yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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